I’d Like to Say a Few Words About the Oscars.

Hey all,

Quick confession, and then an announcement.

Who’s a smug boy? YOU’S a smug boy! Who wants a punch in him’s face? YOU wants a punch in you’s face! Yes you do!

Confession:

I hate the Oscars. Loathe them with every fiber of my being. Want to punch that Oscar guy in his stupid, golden face.

All the Oscars do is reward movies for being stoic, boring, inoffensive, and released-in-December. What’s the point?

Actually, I hate all awards shows, but I pay more attention to movies than to music, TV, Broadway, or peace, so I hate the Oscars more actively than I do the Grammys, the Emmys, the Tonys, or the Nobels.

(Pulitzer, you can stay. We cool.)

The upshot is that I not only ignore the Oscars, but I try to avoid any Oscar-nominated film. They’re all just boring rehashes of previous years’ winners, so why waste my time?

Oh, sweet Pulitzer. If my daring exposé on how the Oscars are terrible doesn’t win your heart, what will?

Announcement:

Instead of avoiding them this year, I’m going to AMC’s annual Oscar nominee marathon, which is happening tomorrow (2/22) and next Saturday (3/1). I’ll eventually write up the experience for Christ and Pop Culture, but I’ll also be live-tweeting it under the hashtag #OscNomHateWatch.

So, y’know. Follow along on the Twittersphere. Or join in. Or whatever it is you kids do.

Side note:

Because I know someone’s going to ask, it’s not really a hate-watch. I almost never watch something hoping to hate it. I actually hope I like all nine of the nominees. I really do.

But, y’know, if I do hate them, you’ll be the first to find out. Because, what could be more important than what some guy on the Internet thinks of a bunch of movies?

Luke is out.

Peace.

If You Like Reading Me Here, You’ll LOVE Reading Me Over There

Hello there, loyal readers (all three of you)!

The last time I made one of these announcements, I was pointing you over to that piece I wrote on the Bible for Cracked! A lot has happened since then!

The most exciting bit is that that piece managed to earn me a book deal! I’m currently working with Hollan Publishing on HOLY SH*T! The Dirtiest Bits in the Bible. I’m sort-of getting paid to read the Bible and write dick jokes, which is pretty much my dream job, so I’m basically on cloud nine!

Also exciting, though, is that I’m now a staff writer for the Christ and Pop Culture, which is a blog I’ve admired for a while. You can read my debut for them right now — it’s a piece on the racial tone-deafness of the American Right. Hopefully, it makes some sparks fly.