In the Spirit of Aronofsky’s ‘Pi,’ Here’s a Mathematical Proof that ‘Noah’ Would Have Pissed Everyone Off, No Matter What

I haven’t seen Darren Aronofsky’s Noah yet (gave up movies for Lent, grr), but here’s what I’ve learned about it from the blogosphere:

• Noah is a great movie.
• Noah sucks.
• Noah is a biblical movie.
• Noah is completely unbiblical.
• Aronofsky is totally an atheist.
• No, he’s not.
• Noah is just environmentalist propaganda.
• No it’s not, and that’s stupid.
• Noah is just a bunch of subliminal Gnostic messages.
• No it’s not, and that’s even stupider.
• Every Christian should boycott Noah.
• Every Christian should see Noah.
• It’s just a movie.
• Nothing is just a movie.
• ROCK PEOPLE. ROCK PEOPLE. ROCK PEOPLE.

If you read that, you now know everything there is to know about Noah. Congratulations!

My Bucket List

I hear the trendy thing to do these days is to write a “bucket list,” so I thought I’d give it a shot. Here’s mine:

1. United Solutions 12-Quart Plastic Utility Pail with Spout, Blue ($9.88 on Amazon)

So classic. It’s blue. It holds three gallons. It has a spout. Handle looks pretty solid, too. And check out that price. It was $9.99, but they discounted it eleven cents! I mean, I assume.