Trolling the Trekkies: Why ‘Wrath of Khan’ is Overrated

It occurs to me that I’m in possession of a really, really unpopular opinion. And there’s nothing the blogosphere loves more than unpopular opinions. So here goes:

I’m not that big a fan of Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan.

(Please don’t hurt me!)

In the interest of full disclosure, I’m not much of a trekkie. It’s my wife who loves the Trek, and since she refuses to give Star Wars a chance, I find myself watching all them star tracks over and over again. And they’re mostly good. I’m not saying they’re bad.

I just don’t see how Khan is the best one, even though everybody says it is. There are something like half a dozen Trek movies that hold up better.

That’s all I’m saying.

Do you want to see my personal ranking of all 12 films? Would that help?

You do? It would?

Oh, thank you! You’re so good to me, imaginary reader I’m talking to! Here’s how it breaks down for me:

Prebylutheranism 2nd Anniversary Spectacular! (My Top 10 Posts Ever)

Just because.

The other day was the second anniversary of my foray into blogging, and what a long, strange trip it’s been. I haven’t proven to be the most consistent blogger on the Web, or the one with the biggest following, or the smartest, or the funniest, or the most talented, or the best-loved, but I’m certainly…one of them?

I guess?

But one thing I am sure of is that starting this blog was a good call. Some of the things that have happened since I began it:

• I’ve been published by Cracked a couple of times;
• My work has appeared in Reader’s Digest;
• I’ve scored a book deal;
• I’ve been made a weekly columnist at Christ and Pop Culture;
• I’ve almost finished a novel (which is more of a distraction from blogging than anything, but whatever).

I thought that for this august occasion (which, ironically, is a June occasion), it might be fun to run down my blog’s top 10 posts, along with some of my commentary on them. Unless it’s not fun, in which case, I’m sorry.

Someone keeps digesting my readers

Hey, remember that one time I wrote an article for Cracked? Fun times. Anyway, apparently Reader’s Digest picked it up for their print edition. So, if you’re the sort who enjoys paying four bucks to read an abridged version of an article you could easily read in full for free, run (don’t walk!) to the newsstand and grab yourself a copy of the November 2013 RD.

6 Ridiculous Trademark Lawsuits, for Your Edification

Spike Lee and your mother both really want you to head over to Cracked.com and read my debut for them: “The 6 Most Ridiculous Things People Claimed to Legally Own” (their title, not mine). So far, I regard writing for Cracked as a generally pleasurable experience; the editors are tough but fair, and they’re serious about maintaining a really high-quality humor site. Hopefully you’ll see some of my stuff there again, and soon.

A Eulogy for Futurama

Those who just can’t get enough of my writing (hi, Mom!) should check out my eulogy for the recently canceled science fiction series Futurama. It’s up as a guest post now on one of my favorite blogs, The Erstwhile Philistine.

American Idolatry: Nine Things I Learned as I Was Being Sacrificed on Rupert Murdoch’s Altar

Yes, it’s true. I swallowed my pride, grew some balls, and auditioned for American Idol a few weeks ago. It didn’t go well — I didn’t even make it past the first round of cuts. Here are nine things I learned, though:

I’m Supposed to Care About DARK, GRITTY* Stuff This Week…But I Don’t. Here’s Why.

*[For maximum impact, every time you read the words “DARK” or “GRITTY” in this piece, say them in Christian Bale’s ridiculous Batman voice.]

I’m honestly not sure what this is, but it’s kind of awesome. Thanks, Google Image Search!

Truly, this is the week of DARKNESS and GRITTINESS. The final chapter in the Dark Knight trilogy (which they really should have just called Batman Ends) comes out at midnight tonight, and the fifth and final season of Breaking Bad (subtitled Breaking, Like, the Badliest Ever) premiered on Tuesday. I didn’t watch Breaking Bad, and I probably won’t go see The Dark Knight Lights Up (as Rush Limbaugh tells me that this new movie is called), at least not right away. The fact is I don’t like either series very much, though it’s not for lack of trying. I went to the first two Dark Knight movies, and I sat through the first season and a half of Breaking Bad. (My wife in particular loves the latter series, so it was entirely in my interest to learn to like it.) The fact is, their excessive DARKNESS and GRITTINESS renders them close to unwatchable for me.

I’m still sorting through my reasons for this, but let me see if I can give you a few: