Trolling the Trekkies: Why ‘Wrath of Khan’ is Overrated

It occurs to me that I’m in possession of a really, really unpopular opinion. And there’s nothing the blogosphere loves more than unpopular opinions. So here goes:

I’m not that big a fan of Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan.

(Please don’t hurt me!)

In the interest of full disclosure, I’m not much of a trekkie. It’s my wife who loves the Trek, and since she refuses to give Star Wars a chance, I find myself watching all them star tracks over and over again. And they’re mostly good. I’m not saying they’re bad.

I just don’t see how Khan is the best one, even though everybody says it is. There are something like half a dozen Trek movies that hold up better.

That’s all I’m saying.

Do you want to see my personal ranking of all 12 films? Would that help?

You do? It would?

Oh, thank you! You’re so good to me, imaginary reader I’m talking to! Here’s how it breaks down for me:

Prebylutheranism 2nd Anniversary Spectacular! (My Top 10 Posts Ever)

Just because.

The other day was the second anniversary of my foray into blogging, and what a long, strange trip it’s been. I haven’t proven to be the most consistent blogger on the Web, or the one with the biggest following, or the smartest, or the funniest, or the most talented, or the best-loved, but I’m certainly…one of them?

I guess?

But one thing I am sure of is that starting this blog was a good call. Some of the things that have happened since I began it:

• I’ve been published by Cracked a couple of times;
• My work has appeared in Reader’s Digest;
• I’ve scored a book deal;
• I’ve been made a weekly columnist at Christ and Pop Culture;
• I’ve almost finished a novel (which is more of a distraction from blogging than anything, but whatever).

I thought that for this august occasion (which, ironically, is a June occasion), it might be fun to run down my blog’s top 10 posts, along with some of my commentary on them. Unless it’s not fun, in which case, I’m sorry.

A Stand Against Douchebaggery.

Hey all,

I have a new piece up over at Christ and Pop Culture today. It’s a discussion of the meme Feminist Frank and the question of whether Christians ought to be feminists. Check it out now, funk soul brothers.

Buttcracks and Legos: An Internet Full of Me

Hey guys,

Just thought I’d let you know that I have a couple new pieces going up around the web today.

There’s this, my latest ‘LOL Interwebz’ column for Christ and Pop Culture. It’s about buttcracks and Magic: The Gathering.

Then there’s this, a contrarian piece I wrote for The Erstwhile Philistine. It’s about The Lego Movie and The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle and why EVERY CHILDREN’S MOVIE YOU LOVE IS A LIE.

By the way, since I have your attention: Christ and Pop Culture has a podcast, and it’s phenomenal. I’m not shilling; it’s seriously my absolute favorite podcast and I listen to it all the time. And incidentally, I’ve had the pleasure of starring in three of its episodes:

• This one (Cash, Cobain, Bush);
• This one (April Fools, #CancelColbert, The Pope’s Confession);
• And this one (Participation Trophies, A Church’s Fake Persecution Stunt, “Average Barbie”).

It’s been a blast. But every single episode is great, and you should listen to them all.

Till next time!

In the Spirit of Aronofsky’s ‘Pi,’ Here’s a Mathematical Proof that ‘Noah’ Would Have Pissed Everyone Off, No Matter What

I haven’t seen Darren Aronofsky’s Noah yet (gave up movies for Lent, grr), but here’s what I’ve learned about it from the blogosphere:

• Noah is a great movie.
• Noah sucks.
• Noah is a biblical movie.
• Noah is completely unbiblical.
• Aronofsky is totally an atheist.
• No, he’s not.
• Noah is just environmentalist propaganda.
• No it’s not, and that’s stupid.
• Noah is just a bunch of subliminal Gnostic messages.
• No it’s not, and that’s even stupider.
• Every Christian should boycott Noah.
• Every Christian should see Noah.
• It’s just a movie.
• Nothing is just a movie.
• ROCK PEOPLE. ROCK PEOPLE. ROCK PEOPLE.

If you read that, you now know everything there is to know about Noah. Congratulations!

The Overly Attached Girlfriend of Noble Character

Hey all,

Pleased to announce that I’m launching a new weekly column over at Christ and Pop Culture called LOL Interwebz. It kicks off today with a thought-provoking Jesus juke about Laina the Overly Attached Girlfriend.

Word to your mothers.

 

Flesh Like Grass: Flappy Bird, Fame, and the Fall From Grace

Illustration by Seth T. Hahne

Just a quick PSA that my long-form essay Flappy Bird, Fame, and the Fall From Grace is available for your reading pleasure in the latest issue of Christ and Pop Culture Magazine, which you can buy from the iOS newsstand here. It’s a reflective piece on what fame means, why so many yearn for it, and why so many, having experienced it, run from it. The issue has a lot of other good stuff (okay, I admit: better stuff), too, like D.L. Mayfield’s experiences with some of the Somalis who starred in Captain Phillips, and her thoughts on the Twitter flamewar between noted comedian/talking rat Patton Oswalt and RUF campus minister Sammy Rhodes. It’s three bucks, and it’s more than worth it. I promise.

Also, that three bucks goes to pay the writers. Like me. So there’s that.

The real reason I won’t be buying a videogame system this week.

David Wong’s comic horror novel John Dies at the End posits a race of inter-dimensional beings who can play with our universe’s timeline as they see fit, inserting and removing people and things at will. Towards the end, a middle-aged character pontificates on his first encounter with a videogame system (which is one of the things they’ve inserted):

How to Make Money on the Internet (a flowchart)

I was thinking the other day about Twitter’s plans to offer an IPO, and this occurred to me…

6 Ridiculous Trademark Lawsuits, for Your Edification

Spike Lee and your mother both really want you to head over to Cracked.com and read my debut for them: “The 6 Most Ridiculous Things People Claimed to Legally Own” (their title, not mine). So far, I regard writing for Cracked as a generally pleasurable experience; the editors are tough but fair, and they’re serious about maintaining a really high-quality humor site. Hopefully you’ll see some of my stuff there again, and soon.