In the Spirit of Aronofsky’s ‘Pi,’ Here’s a Mathematical Proof that ‘Noah’ Would Have Pissed Everyone Off, No Matter What

I haven’t seen Darren Aronofsky’s Noah yet (gave up movies for Lent, grr), but here’s what I’ve learned about it from the blogosphere:

If you read that, you now know everything there is to know about Noah. Congratulations! Continue reading

A Brief and Somewhat Unfocused Rant About the Hobby Lobby Case

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Reportedly, Hobby Lobby CEO Dave Green saw this sign outside the courthouse and said, “Oh wait, Hobby Lobby ISN’T a church? My mistake.” Then he retracted his lawsuit and went home.

Okay, so.

Several people have asked me to blog my thoughts about the high-profile case that’s before the Supreme Court right now. I’m honestly not sure why, since my political views tend to be pretty bland and wishy-washy, but maybe that’s what the blogosphere needs. Maybe I can be the anti-Matt Walsh: angry with no one, and reasonable towards everyone.

I can at least give it my best shot.

So, here are my primary thoughts. Continue reading

Flesh Like Grass: Flappy Bird, Fame, and the Fall From Grace

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Illustration by Seth T. Hahne

Just a quick PSA that my long-form essay Flappy Bird, Fame, and the Fall From Grace is available for your reading pleasure in the latest issue of Christ and Pop Culture Magazine, which you can buy from the iOS newsstand here. It’s a reflective piece on what fame means, why so many yearn for it, and why so many, having experienced it, run from it. The issue has a lot of other good stuff (okay, I admit: better stuff), too, like D.L. Mayfield’s experiences with some of the Somalis who starred in Captain Phillips, and her thoughts on the Twitter flamewar between noted comedian/talking rat Patton Oswalt and RUF campus minister Sammy Rhodes. It’s three bucks, and it’s more than worth it. I promise.

Also, that three bucks goes to pay the writers. Like me. So there’s that.

Cults of Personality: I Promise I Only Talk About Steven Furtick a Little Bit in This

I was sitting in one of those ugly, overly lit conference rooms that literally every hotel on the planet has. The ones that are huge but feel cramped because of their low drop ceilings, where the carpet is always a hideous, mass-produced Victorian-esque pattern, and the walls are pockmarked with pee-colored folding dividers and the ceilings are cheap, foamy tile studded with fluorescent lights.

I was at intern and staff training for Reformed University Fellowship, the Presbyterian Church in America’s campus ministry program. Continue reading

I’d Like to Say a Few Words About the Oscars.

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Hey all,

Quick confession, and then an announcement.

Look at that stupid face. Who wants a punch in his face? YOU wants a punch in you face!

Who’s a smug boy? YOU’S a smug boy! Who wants a punch in him’s face? YOU wants a punch in you’s face! Yes you do!

Confession:

I hate the Oscars. Loathe them with every fiber of my being. Want to punch that Oscar guy in his stupid, golden face.

All the Oscars do is reward movies for being stoic, boring, inoffensive, and released-in-December. What’s the point?

Actually, I hate all awards shows, but I pay more attention to movies than to music, TV, Broadway, or peace, so I hate the Oscars more actively than I do the Grammys, the Emmys, the Tonys, or the Nobels.

(Pulitzer, you can stay. We cool.)

The upshot is that I not only ignore the Oscars, but I try to avoid any Oscar-nominated film. They’re all just boring rehashes of previous years’ winners, so why waste my time?

Oh, sweet Pulitzer. If my daring exposé on how the Oscars are terrible doesn't win your heart, what will?

Oh, sweet Pulitzer. If my daring exposé on how the Oscars are terrible doesn’t win your heart, what will?

Announcement:

Instead of avoiding them this year, I’m going to AMC’s annual Oscar nominee marathon, which is happening tomorrow (2/22) and next Saturday (3/1). I’ll eventually write up the experience for Christ and Pop Culture, but I’ll also be live-tweeting it under the hashtag #OscNomHateWatch.

So, y’know. Follow along on the Twittersphere. Or join in. Or whatever it is you kids do.

Side note:

Because I know someone’s going to ask, it’s not really a hate-watch. I almost never watch something hoping to hate it. I actually hope I like all nine of the nominees. I really do.

But, y’know, if I do hate them, you’ll be the first to find out. Because, what could be more important than what some guy on the Internet thinks of a bunch of movies?

Luke is out.

Peace.

Matt Walsh, pt. 2: Your Political Views Were Genetically Determined, So Get Over Them

I actually learned cursive just to write the letter.

I actually learned cursive just to write the letter.

My cheesy “Dear John” letter to Matt Walsh became a surprise hit on this blog, I guess because I managed to say what was on a lot of people’s minds. It’s not uncommon for halfway-decent writers like Walsh (I’ll stand by what I said: the guy makes me laugh) to achieve fame based entirely on their ability to stir up the rabble and tell them what they want to hear, and it’s hard not to regard that fame as essentially undeserved. After all, it’s easy to become popular by telling people they’re right and that the people who disagree with them are evil and stupid.

That’s not to say I think Walsh is being disingenuous in his writing; I think he genuinely believes that all progressives are evil. It’s a comforting thought, after all, to think you’re right and everyone else is stupid. Unfortunately, though, it’s not a thought that holds up against the evidence. Continue reading